I’ve been thinking about self-confidence lately. Mainly because it’s something I’ve struggled with for most of my life.

The words self-confidence carries a lot of power.  When you have it, you’re free from doubt. You believe in yourself and in your abilities.

“I’m like a cat. Throw me up in the air and I’ll always land on my feet. “ ~ Bette Davis.

However, if you lack self-confidence, other people’s words can have a negative effect on your life. And whatever confidence you do have, could so easily be destroyed.

“Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle.” ~ Virginia Woolf.

When I think of a baby in a cradle, I picture a helpless, vulnerable new-born. Dependant on others for nurture.  That same dependency could be similar for someone who lacks confidence. They rely on others to build them up and boost their self-esteem. They need constant praise to feel good about themselves.

Why is so easy for another person to say or do something that knocks your confidence?

Well, if you’re lacking in self-confidence, it’s because you’re insecure, with low self-esteem. Insecurity makes you sensitive. And so, damaging remarks or actions will affect you.

This is a story about a beautiful girl, who had little self-confidence. She was one of the most popular girls in her year at school. One evening after school she was involved in a dispute. The next day, most of her friends turned against her. Some called her nasty names and others ignored her.

Overnight, she went from being the most popular, to the most hated girl in school. To make matters worse, a relationship with her best friend also ended during that time. He stopped talking to her.

The rejections made her depressed.  She couldn’t deal with it.

When she looked in the mirror, instead of seeing her beauty, she saw ugliness. She felt worthless. She was so focused on the negative remarks her friends said about her, she lost all belief in herself. She hated herself. She felt unloved. So she tried to take her life.

This is an extreme case of someone’s self-confidence being destroyed. But if you’re an emotionally weak person, other people’s words or actions could have that knock-on effect on you. And it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are.

Here’s a list of lies people can use to destroy your confidence.

I call them lies because they’re other people’s perception of you.

#1.   You’re ugly – Who sets the standard on beauty? Does being beautiful make you a better person than who society class as an ugly person? I don’t think so. Beauty will fade away one day; unless you have plastic surgery to keep it.

You can be the most stunningly beautiful person from outward appearances.  And yet, the ugliest from the inside. What matters is the state of your heart. The substance from deep within. So if someone tells you you’re ugly, don’t believe them.

“Beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder.” ~ Lew Wallace

That means it depends on what the other person sees as beauty. If you asked 10 people to describe a rose, all of their descriptions would be different.   

#2.   You’re useless – No one is useless. We all have something to offer society. Everyone is born with talents. You just need to find out what yours are.

My ex used to call me useless just because I couldn’t give him a massage the way he wanted it. On the other hand, he couldn’t cook like I could. You have strengths in areas where others are weak and vice versa.

#3.   You’re stupid – We all have different degrees of intelligence, skills and knowledge. Just because you don’t live up to another person’s expectations doesn’t make you stupid.

When a person calls another stupid, it’s usually because they have some short-comings of their own.

If you’re a mother and you call your child stupid, you’re shaping them to be stupid adults. The more you call them stupid, is the more they’ll wear and accept that label.

#4.   You’re a waste of space – This is a classic one that I hear women call their men. And it’s usually because that man isn’t living up to their expectations. Or maybe he’s unemployed and the woman is the one bringing in the money.

She’s angry with him so she resents him. That man, who she once fell in love with, is now a waste of space. What she should be doing, is encouraging and supporting him morally while he looks for a job.

Telling anyone they’re a waste of space will not only destroy their self-confidence, but will also make them feel like rubbish.

#5.   I hate you – These are angry words. They’ll usually said in the heat of the moment to hurt you. Mothers and daughters say it to each other; wives and husbands do the same. In fact, a lot of us are guilty of either saying it to someone or thinking it about someone.

If a person has little or no self-confidence, those words could hurt them quite deeply. Whether you mean to say it or not, no one wants to hear that you hate them.

Negative words produce negative results. And your self-confidence needs to be fed with positivity to make you a balanced person.

Stop believing those lies and secure your confidence.

These are some of the things you can do to build up your self-confidence:

• Renew your mind and see yourself as the beautiful person you are.
• Love yourself.
• Always give thanks for what you’ve got and appreciate yourself.
• Increase your knowledge by learning new skills.
• Smile and laugh a lot and don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to lighten up and look on the bright side of things.
• Don’t get annoyed with yourself when you do something wrong. Use your mistakes as lessons to learn from and grow.
• Every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and say positive affirmations to yourself about yourself.

“With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind one; it is an awareness of one’s own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.” ~The Dalai Lama

Becoming confident won’t happen overnight. But you can make it a reality. See yourself as the confident person you would like to be. Then act confident. Feel the fear and do it anyway. When you perform an action over and over, it eventually becomes part of you.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Has your self-confidence been affected by anyone? How did you deal with it? Please leave your comments in the box below. Thanks for reading.