Are You Living in a Lying Relationship?Posted by junie on Aug 4, 2012 in Relationships | 17 comments
David woke up, refreshed from his afternoon siesta. He strolled across the roof of the palace overlooking the vibrant city. As he savoured the scenery, his eye caught a glimpse of a remarkably beautiful woman. Temptation welled up inside of David at the sight of her naked body. He lounged on the roof top to watch her bathe.
Later on, David sent a palace guard to find out who she was. He found out that she was Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba. But that didn’t stop David from wanting her. Her stunning beauty and exquisite body had aroused him. He couldn’t get her out of his mind.
David invited Bathsheba to join him at the palace. She duly obeyed. Who was she to reject the King’s invitation? Plus, her husband was away fighting. She was all alone at home!
Bathsheba was exceptionally appealing close up. Seeing her in the flesh aroused David even more. There was a fiery chemistry between them. They made love. Bathsheba went back to her home afterwards.
After that one night of passion, Bathsheba got pregnant. David wasn’t ready for that news. He hatched a cunning plan!
David sent for Uriah, got him drunk and ordered him to go home to Bathsheba. He was hoping that Uriah would sleep with her. David didn’t want to take responsibility for Bathsheba’s pregnancy. Uriah was a man of integrity. He refused to enjoy his wife while his allies were still on the battlefield fighting. So, instead of going home, he stayed at the palace. He slept in the guard’s quarters.
David resorted to plan B. The next morning David gave Uriah his death sentence in a letter. Enclosed in the letter were orders for Uriah to be stationed at the front line, where the fighting was in full force. Tragically, Uriah was killed. David got his wish.
David married Bathsheba and added her to his list of wives. She gave birth to his son.
That story was taken from the Bible (2 Samuel 11: 1-27). I dramatised it to adapt it to this article. It is one of the first recorded event of lies and deceit surrounding relationships.
Lies are lies
Lies are like time bombs waiting to be found and explode. A lie is a lie, whether it’s a little white one or not!
- Maybe you’ve met a man and he’s younger than you. You’re scared that if you tell him your real age, he’ll have nothing to do with you. So you knock off five or maybe even ten years from your age.
- Or maybe you’re having an affair but you’re already in a relationship! You lie to keep your affair a secret.
- What about the fact that your new man is married to another woman back in Africa or the West Indies? He conveniently lie and tell you that he’s single. He doesn’t want to spoil his relationship with you.
Relationships based on lies are eventually destroyed by lies.
Celebrities and Well Kept Lies
- A lot of celebrities have secret affairs. Some get away with infidelity for years. Ryan Giggs has hit the headlines again. This is a classic example of living a lying relationship. He managed to have a secret affair with his brother’s wife for eight years before getting caught. There’s a saying, “the forbidden fruits are the sweetest.”
- Tiger Woods had many affairs with different women. His extra-marital activities destroyed his six year marriage to Elin Nordegren and marred his career. The divorce settlement allegedly cost him £500 million. He now has the tough job of raising his children as a single dad.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger’s undercover infidelity with his housekeeper, Mildred Patty Baena resulted in the birth of a love child. This was a well kept secret for 13 years. His wife has had to deal with the shocking realisation, that his secret love child’s birthday was five days apart from their own son.
- One of the most tragic cases of untimely death which was believed to be a result of infidelity was Marilyn Monroe. She had an affair with the Kennedy brothers which ended by her being abruptly cut off from their circle. It had a devastating effect on her life.
More Big Deceitful Lies
If you’re very clever and cover your tracks well, you may be able to live a lie in your relationship for a long time.
Gill was in a long-term relationship. However, she was bored. She started an affair with Jim. It lasted for a couple of years. Jim left her because she wouldn’t commit to him or leave her long-term partner.
Jim eventually met Barbara. They got married after six months.
Gill met up with Jim again. She wanted him back, even though he was now a married man. They rekindled their old relationship. The affair continued behind Barbara’s back.
A few months later Barbara got pregnant for Jim. Gill was also pregnant at the same time. Was it a happy coincidence that the two men were going to be new fathers? Nine months later, Barbara and Gill gave birth to baby girls.
Barbara had no idea that Jim cheated on her. Likewise Gill’s partner was unaware about her infidelity.
After the birth of their daughter, Jim and Barbara’s marriage was very rocky. During an intense argument between them one night, he confessed his infidelity. He also told Barbara that he had another daughter, with Gill. Their marriage ended. Barbara couldn’t live with a man she couldn’t trust.
Gill carried on living the lie with her partner. He still thought her daughter was his child. Only time will tell when that secret will be exposed!
Signs that You’re Living a Lie
Are you blind to the facts that’s staring you in the face? The signs are usually there but you either refuse to see them, or you pretend not to see them. When you finally open your eyes, you will notice that the signs were there in the first place.
Your intuition usually tells you that something is wrong. When you get that feeling deep down inside your gut that your partner is cheating, 9 times out of 10 your instincts are right.
So what are some of the signs?
- Your man may find it hard to look you in the eyes when answering questions about your suspicions. He’ll avoid eye contact, thinking that you’ll be able to see that he’s lying.
- Body language is another clue. To hide nervousness, he may touch his nose, rub his eyes, or clear his throat often. He may use a lot of hand gestures when talking and even perspire.
- His mobile phone is always switched off when he’s out.
- He’s developed a pattern of always working late.
- You smell perfume on his clothes. You know that it isn’t yours.
- When his mobile phone rings he either ignores it, or answer it and quickly cuts the caller off. He’ll make excuses by telling you it was a wrong number.
- He may start to do things out of character like buying you flowers and sexy underwear. He could also develop unusual mood swings. He’s either unusually nice or very aggressive towards you.
If you suspect your partner is cheating, you need to make sure that you have proof before confronting him.
In order for a relationship to work properly, it must be anchored on trust. A little lie here and there can easily turn into big mountains of lies, with devastating consequences on a relationship. One night of passion with the wrong person, can result in you living in a lying relationship.
Have you experienced lies in your relationship because of infidelity?
Photo credit: Salvatore Vuono