Unhealthy Relationship Signs and How to Fix ThemPosted by June Whittle on Sep 5, 2011 in Relationships | 11 comments
An unhealthy relationship can break you down. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you have two choices. You can either fix it or end the relationship. When you’re not happy, every part of you suffers. An unhealthy relationship can make you a physical and emotional wreck.
So how do you turn your unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship? There are strategies you can use to make your relationship work. You will need to work through any conflicting issues with your partner.
Money – The Root of All Evil?
Money arguments can turn the healthiest relationship into a battlefield of arguments. Some of the main reasons why money causes frictions in relationships are because; one partner earns more than the other, bills, bills and more bills, lack of money and overspending. The one earning the most may feel resentment towards their partner because they take care of most of the expenditures. They may use that power to control the spending habits of the household. When there’s not enough money coming in to pay the bills, it causes tensions. Or if you have a spender living with a saver, the spender will be criticized for wasting money.
Instead of arguing, find a solution. Don’t throw blame around because it only adds to the problem. Sit down together, work out a budget and make a list of priorities. Part of the budget should include some money for the two of you to spend some regular quality time together. It could be a trip to the cinema, enjoying an affordable meal at a local restaurant or just sharing a bottle of wine and watching a DVD at home. You should decide how often you can afford to treat yourselves.
Love Makes The World Go Round
The intense passion, excitement, can’t get enough of you, butterflies in the stomach feelings you get when you first fall in love don’t last. When that feeling fades, the rose-tinted glasses come off as well. You realise that you’re not intoxicated by love any more. You’re just a normal everyday couple and love doesn’t feel like it used to. Routines may replace spontaneity. Passion has taken a back seat and you hardly talk to each other, your man hugs you like you’re his sister and the words ‘I love you’ are hardly mentioned. So how can you make your love candle burn again?
Compliment and praise each other often. Cook a lovely candlelit dinner once a week or month. Go away for romantic weekends. Watch comedy films that will make you both laugh. Mutual laughter keeps your relationship exciting. It triggers endorphins which makes you feel happy. Be like little kids again and do silly things like tickling each other. Get rid of stress and have playful pillow fights. Take long, leisurely walks in the park together. Hold hands when you walk down the road. Try to remember why you fell in love with each other and recapture some of those magical feelings.
Kiss and hug your man every day and tell him that you love him. A friend of mine told me that since she started doing that, her relationship has done a 90 degree turn around. It also boosted their sex life. Bring back some fun into your relationship.
You Argue About Anything and Everything
Arguing is not all bad. It’s normal to have different points of views. The only couples who don’t argue are the perfect couples. Unfortunately, they don’t exist. If you’re always arguing, have you both tried to find out what the problem is or do you just argue back? Ignoring the problem will not make it go away either. A male friend told me that every evening after work; he would go home to a messy house to find his girlfriend entertaining her friends. He told her for months that he wasn’t happy and tried to sort things out with her. But instead of listening or compromising, she carried on doing what she was doing. His resentment towards her attitude turned into daily arguments. The relationship eventually ended.
Arguments can be solved. Never go to bed angry . It takes two to argue. Calm down! Go for a walk or leave the room for a while. Actively listen to each other’s explanation without interrupting. Tell him why you’re upset and how you feel. Don’t scream or shout. Talk about what you can both do to solve the problem that’s causing the arguments. Compromise if you have to. If the two of you can’t find a solution, you may need to see a relationship coach or get some professional counselling.
Help! Sex Life Needs a Boost
When the relationship’s fresh you can’t get enough of each other. But after a while, things can get boring in the bedroom. You feel like it’s the same old, same old stuff. He doesn’t excite you any more. Do you force yourself to be in the mood sometimes? Do you lie there wishing he would hurry up so that you can go to sleep? So, what are you going to do to revive your sex life?
Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean your sex life has to be boring. You are the woman. You have the power to ignite some new fire in the bedroom. Take him to La Senza and get him to buy you some sexy lingerie. Wear them for him. Why confine sex to the bedroom? Try different rooms in the house or better still, book into a hotel room for a night of passion. Pretend that you’re new lovers – Mr & Mrs Smith. Light some perfumed candles and put them around the bathroom. Take warm, bubbly baths together. Play some romantic, smoochy music, turn the lights down low and slow dance with your man. Spend time kissing and caressing each other before making love. These are just some of the things you can do to spice up your sex life and keep up a healthy relationship.
You Don’t Spend Quality Time Together
In the beginning people thought your man was your Siamese twin. Wherever you went he would be there beside you. He couldn’t get enough of your company. He even ignored his best friend to be with you. Now you feel like you have to book an appointment to see him. Your man finishes work and instead of coming home he goes out with his friends. At weekends he always finds excuses to meet up with them. You start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you. What happened to those wonderful quality times you used to share?
Talk to him. Ask him why he doesn’t want to spend time with you. If he points out that there’s a problem in the relationship, work it out together. If you want to get close to him again, plan to spend good quality time together. Visit the theatre, go bowling, go away for weekends, or drive down to the coast together. Still allow him ‘his time‘ with his friends, but make sure you spend quality time together. Most importantly though, talk to each other.
Maintaining a healthy relationship means you have to show love and support to your partner. Communicate with each other. Surprise your man sometimes. Put love notes in his lunch box, work briefcase, trousers or shirt pockets for him to find when he’s not at home. Keep the passion alive. It will strengthen your love for each other.
Can you share any tips that you use to make your relationship work? How do you spend quality time together with your man? I would love to hear your comments.
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